this is how i feel.
wanna know why? let's see if i can identify all of these strange emotions.
first off, i am sad. this past year, i grew very close to Zee and his family. i loved talking about medicine with him. he involved me in individual cases, helped/did my chemistry homework, taught me all the procedures (where the needle goes, what nerve is involved, why someone would have it done), explained his interviewing process, his reasons for picking Cincy, how much work goes into starting up a practice, etc. he told me all about his life, from growing up to college life to crazy life stories. he asked me about my life, always remembering little details. he was and still is genuinely interested in my crazy life.
i especially loved talking about religion with him. he and his family went to the Okiihr Mountain temple open house with Mad, Jo Ann, and I. we went to his prayer service. he had questions. i had questions. we found several similarities between the LDS and Muslim faith. we discussed everything from morality to green tea to Jesus to life after death to eternal families. we could talk for hours about life and the purpose of it and God and being like Him. i love that he is so devoted to his faith, constantly striving to better himself so that he can better mankind.
i absolutely ADORE his family! Dalenna is a beautiful woman! she has this air of kindness and love about her. i could talk to her all day about life. she asks questions and sincerely listens. i love learning about her life, dreams, and experiences. Zayd is probably the funniest/most stubborn little boy ever. we build water towers, ferris wheels, roads, trailers, you name it. we do puzzles and read stories. he is bob and i am wendy. he remembers my name. basically i love him. and Sofia is the most beautiful baby girl. she is always dressed like a model (thanks to her fashion-savvy mama).
so in a nutshell, i love these amazing people! i am happy that they are off chasing their dreams, but extremely sad that they are leaving...tomorrow. i don't do goodbyes. i do "see you soons." they support the mission. they support PA school (maybe i'll end up in Ohio with a crazy sweet job with a fabulous doctor...so happy that offer is on the table). they genuinely care about my life. i consider them family.
i am HAPPY that classes are officially over. WOOOOOOOOO. now just three finals and i am done (this is why i am stressed). this time next week, i will be carefree and less zitty hopefully. i cannot wait to be done. let me repeat myself.
I. CANNOT. WAIT. TO. BE. DONE. WITH. BYU.
i am done with the provo scene. i am done with boys in provo. i am done with every boy knowing every other boy i hang out with. i am ready for warmth all year round. i am ready to start a new chapter of my life.
i have been working on the mission papers. i had two crowns done this week and now the dental form is complete. all i have left is the medical exam and obtaining a passport. i am ANXIOUS to see where i am going to go. i want to best prepare for the people i am going to serve. i want to know everything. i know this is not possible, but i want to be the best prepared missionary ever!
all of the emotions have something in common: time. i have realized how fast time passes. i remember when Zee started at Nexus. and in the blink of an eye, a year has come and gone. relationships take time to be built. i am happy i made an effort to be friends with the Tayebs. i truly cherish those friendships. i am happy that school is almost over. i can remember my first day as a freshman, sitting in Econ 110. i cannot believe that i am graduating!! i remember when i decided to go on a mission. i never thought i would be 21....weird i know. i never though i would seriously have to make adult decisions. i never thought life would have so many curve balls. i never thought i would be in this place in my life, doing what i am doing. i don't feel old enough. i still see myself as the tomboy on the playground, eating beef jerky. according to my mom, i dress like i am 6. well so what? some days i want to be 6. is that so wrong?
so at this time of year, i am taking time to reflect on my life and what is truly important. life is short. i want to make sure my priorities are in check. i want to spend less time on myself and focus more on others. that is what life is about. helping others who cannot help themselves. and wanna know the best thing about service? serving others is like serving God, which in turn helps you become the person He wants you to be. that's all that i want. i pray i can make this goal a reality.