i have been a stress basket for the past couple months. i graduate in april. i will be 21. i have several options at this point. i could go straight to physician's assistant school, i could go on a mission, i could take a year off of school and work, i could take the mcat and go to med school. these are HUGE life decisions that are all coming at once. i worried incessantly, which has caused me to be exhausted physically and emotionally, to break out (oh how i love bumpy skin...gross), and to become somewhat withdrawn. i just wanted someone to tell me what to do. i have not gotten a definite answer. so does this mean that they are all good options? should i go with the flow and see what happens in a year from now? this second option kills me. i am a planner. i make time to make schedules. i hate surprises. maybe Heavenly Father is trying to teach me something....patience.
one night when i was venting to my mom about not knowing what to do with my life, she said something that struck me....surprise surprise. my mom is one of the wisest people i know. and she is usually right. she asked me if i had written out the pros and cons of each decision. i had. she then asked me if i had taken this to Heavenly Father. i said i had, but that i had not received an answer. she then told me to let go of my own desires and tell Heavenly Father that i was ready to do whatever He would have me do. this sounds so simple. and yet, i had some reservations.
i found that i had some fear within me, the fear of the unknown. i feel like i am in a tunnel and i have reached a three-way crossing. i have a flashlight, but i cannot see what is at the end of each path. and i have to make a decision.
so i went to the temple on Friday night. i wish i could go to the temple every day. the amount of peace i felt there was overwhelming. i was given the reassurance that everything will work out, to not stress about these decisions. so i am trying something new. i am just gunna go with it. come what may. now i just need to maintain the faith in Jesus that He will lead me to where i need to be to best serve Him.
i am coming to find more and more that life isn't about what kind of career i will have or how much money i will make. it is about serving others, lifting those who are in a low place, smiling and spreading the Christlike love, becoming more like Jesus, and helping everyone return back to Heavenly Father.
some of my favorite faith scriptures/quotes that boost my spirit when doubt enters:
"And Christ hath said: If ye will have faith in me ye shall have power to do whatsoever thing is expedient in me." Moroni 7:33
“Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we'll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.” Gordon B. Hinckley