my all-encompassing new year's goal

Elements of a Raw Food Diet:

1. Eat completely raw
2. Daily exercise
3. Daily sun exposure
4. Mind your mind
5. Breathe fresh air
6. Get enough sleep
7. Human contact
8. Creative expression
9. Recreation
10. Balance

music as of late...

if you are looking for any new, addicting music, here you go. these are the songs i replay at least 6 times before listening to another song. there is just something about these songs....enjoy!!

my "i LOVE this song" music:

1. rainbow - colbie caillat

2. africa - karl wolf

3. american honey - lady antebellum

4. your love is my drug - k$sha

5. ain't got love - todd carey

6. a day late (acoustic version) - anberlin

7. breakeven - the script

8. hot air balloon - owl city

9. livin' the dream - uncle kracker

10. bad romance - lady gaga

11. fire and rain - mat kearney

12. one tribe - black eyed peas

13. i look so good (without you) - jessie james

14. earth - imogen heap

15. everybody - ingrid michaelson

16. i just call you mine - martina mcbride

17. somebody to love - leighton meester

18. all i want - curtis peoples

19. love this pain - lady antebellum

20. into your eyes - lior magal

as of late...

my current loves:

my bed...memory foam + 4 pillows = heaven on earth
gossip girl...seriously addicting. i can't get enough of it!! i love all the characters. the one who is growing on me the most is chuck. he has this sensitive, romantic side that is captivating. ah...
imogen heap...she takes me to another world, one full of peace and calmness. gotta love the blissful escape her music offers.
my nails...it's amazing how pretty and feminine i feel with them on. totally classiness. i love the clicky noice they make.
the idea of raw foods...i had SO muchy energy when i was eating like a rabbit. i just gotta find that motivation again...good thing new year's is around the corner
my high heel blue boots ...they remind me of dress up as a child. and who has blue boots? no one i know. you can just call me the trend starter. ;)
pommegranates...easily my favorite fruit, if not my favorite food. mom taught me a new way to peel them. you stick em in a bowl of water and then peel it in the bowl. no red stains. raincoat is not necessary. and it only takes like 4 minutes.
chillin with howard...he is a hoot. he is basically my twin. if i were a boy, i would be him. he likes to eat, make weird faces, play Wii bowling, wrestle, sing, laugh...me to a t. he is 12 and as tall as me, has bigger hands and feet than me. it is so neat to "see" how i was when i was 12. love it.
cleaning the bathroom...i get great joy out of cleaning the toilet, the sinks, and the mirror. i feel a sense of accomplishment. i love organizing the combs, curling irons, and towels.
playing the piano and talking to papa...i have really been missing papa lately. i want to talk to him about everything that is going on, from mission to his take on med school to family things. i have never performed in front of anyone, except for recitals and piano competitions. i played the piano at papa's funeral. this was a huge deal. i was nervous, but i felt him by me the whole time. now, whenever i play the piano, i know he is there. i get emotional. his presence is almost tangible. so if i need to talk to papa, i go play the piano. he is there and is always willing to listen. he is another testimony that the gospel is true.

thought of the day

I came across this the other day. i had heard it a while ago and LOVED it. i still love it! enjoy!

I am a part of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed." The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I have stepped over the line. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap giving and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, love with patience, live by prayer and labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I won't give up, shut up, let up or slow up until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up and spoken up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me. My banner is clear: I am a part of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed." - unknown

a.d.d. emotions

this is how i feel.

wanna know why? let's see if i can identify all of these strange emotions.

first off, i am sad. this past year, i grew very close to Zee and his family. i loved talking about medicine with him. he involved me in individual cases, helped/did my chemistry homework, taught me all the procedures (where the needle goes, what nerve is involved, why someone would have it done), explained his interviewing process, his reasons for picking Cincy, how much work goes into starting up a practice, etc. he told me all about his life, from growing up to college life to crazy life stories. he asked me about my life, always remembering little details. he was and still is genuinely interested in my crazy life.

i especially loved talking about religion with him. he and his family went to the Okiihr Mountain temple open house with Mad, Jo Ann, and I. we went to his prayer service. he had questions. i had questions. we found several similarities between the LDS and Muslim faith. we discussed everything from morality to green tea to Jesus to life after death to eternal families. we could talk for hours about life and the purpose of it and God and being like Him. i love that he is so devoted to his faith, constantly striving to better himself so that he can better mankind.

i absolutely ADORE his family! Dalenna is a beautiful woman! she has this air of kindness and love about her. i could talk to her all day about life. she asks questions and sincerely listens. i love learning about her life, dreams, and experiences. Zayd is probably the funniest/most stubborn little boy ever. we build water towers, ferris wheels, roads, trailers, you name it. we do puzzles and read stories. he is bob and i am wendy. he remembers my name. basically i love him. and Sofia is the most beautiful baby girl. she is always dressed like a model (thanks to her fashion-savvy mama).

so in a nutshell, i love these amazing people! i am happy that they are off chasing their dreams, but extremely sad that they are leaving...tomorrow. i don't do goodbyes. i do "see you soons." they support the mission. they support PA school (maybe i'll end up in Ohio with a crazy sweet job with a fabulous doctor...so happy that offer is on the table). they genuinely care about my life. i consider them family.

i am HAPPY that classes are officially over. WOOOOOOOOO. now just three finals and i am done (this is why i am stressed). this time next week, i will be carefree and less zitty hopefully. i cannot wait to be done. let me repeat myself.

I. CANNOT. WAIT. TO. BE. DONE. WITH. BYU.

i am done with the provo scene. i am done with boys in provo. i am done with every boy knowing every other boy i hang out with. i am ready for warmth all year round. i am ready to start a new chapter of my life.

i have been working on the mission papers. i had two crowns done this week and now the dental form is complete. all i have left is the medical exam and obtaining a passport. i am ANXIOUS to see where i am going to go. i want to best prepare for the people i am going to serve. i want to know everything. i know this is not possible, but i want to be the best prepared missionary ever!

all of the emotions have something in common: time. i have realized how fast time passes. i remember when Zee started at Nexus. and in the blink of an eye, a year has come and gone. relationships take time to be built. i am happy i made an effort to be friends with the Tayebs. i truly cherish those friendships. i am happy that school is almost over. i can remember my first day as a freshman, sitting in Econ 110. i cannot believe that i am graduating!! i remember when i decided to go on a mission. i never thought i would be 21....weird i know. i never though i would seriously have to make adult decisions. i never thought life would have so many curve balls. i never thought i would be in this place in my life, doing what i am doing. i don't feel old enough. i still see myself as the tomboy on the playground, eating beef jerky. according to my mom, i dress like i am 6. well so what? some days i want to be 6. is that so wrong?

so at this time of year, i am taking time to reflect on my life and what is truly important. life is short. i want to make sure my priorities are in check. i want to spend less time on myself and focus more on others. that is what life is about. helping others who cannot help themselves. and wanna know the best thing about service? serving others is like serving God, which in turn helps you become the person He wants you to be. that's all that i want. i pray i can make this goal a reality.

learning to juggle

it's crazy how fast i grow up. i can remember the first days living in the dorms...prison in my opinion. now i have a few weeks left of this semester...as a senior in COLLEGE. i have one semester left and i am done. over. kaput. weird.

so i decided on a very big life-altering decision. i am going on a mish. i NEVER would have thought i would say this. but...things change. heavenly father intervenes when He finds it appropriate.

i questioned Him...why now?

why after i have my plan to graduate, apply to p.a. school, and move out of utah? why now, after i have FINALLY decided on things...?

i was upset.

i couldn't understand why He felt that after 3 1/2 years of angst and turmoil over my life plans (going from neuroscience to hating chemistry to human development to special education back to exercise science and more chemistry)after finally getting a good grasp on what i want to do with my life, that i now need another change of plans. He knows i am a planner...i own like 8 planners...i make schedules every day. i try to do things hour by hour. i am organized. i am always planning the next step.

i think Heavenly Father thinks this is funny. He enjoys keeping me on my toes. sometimes i can feel His laughter. way cool. i think He likes throwing in another ball for me to juggle to see how i will handle it and how long it will take me before i say, "ok. you were right. i need help. teach me how to juggle."

maybe He wants to teach me something. maybe He wants me to find people that want to know about Jesus and why they are here. maybe my family needs extra blessings....oh i don't know.

so i am moving forward. i have good feelings. i feel Heavenly Father's approval. He likes my plan. this is good. i need support, especially from Him. i don't know what i am throwing myself into. i will be in a different place with no family, no friends, maybe no understanding of the language or normal food. you ask a random person on the street and they would think i was crazy to do this...

but i know why i am doing this. it is simple. i love Heavenly Father. i love Jesus. i am happy. i want other people to be happy. i want a happier world. i want to teach what i know. i want to be that beacon on a hill. yes this is why i want to be a missionary.

i met with bishop. he gave me lots of reading materials. i have learned so much. i meet with him again in a couple weeks for the interview. then i can start getting my papers ready. ooo i have those tingling feelings inside right now, telling me this is good. phew. Heavenly Father knows who i am. He knows what i can handle. but please, no more curve balls right now. :)

my mind at 2:30 am

"Faith is knowing that Christ is the Savior. Hope is knowing that Christ is your Savior. Charity is knowing that Christ is everyone's Savior."

i stumbled upon this quote tonight...well i guess today (2:30 am doing organic chem and anatomy). this really struck me. the more and more i pray to heavenly father about a mission, the more it seems right. i want to share this knowledge with everyone so that they can be as happy as i am.

mad put it this way: 18 months of being in a different place with people you don't know (something that i am craving right now), making life long friends, 100% service, personal growth and maturity, completely forgetting myself, and spreading the love of Jesus to everyone around me. AND only blessings come from this.

In the Sunday afternoon session of conference, Elder Brent Nielson gave an outstanding talk about missionary work that got my spirit going. He quotes President Monson on missionary work, “What a promise! If we respond affirmatively to that sacred call, that binding authority, ‘I will be with you always, even unto the end of the world.’ I can’t think of a greater promise."

I love this:

The Savior’s call is to you of the rising generation. He is asking for worthy, prepared, faithful young men and young women who will heed the prophet’s voice, who will step up and say, as the Savior Himself said, “Here am I, send me”. The need has never been greater. The field has never been whiter. You are called to go “this last time”. There is no greater work; there is no greater call than teaching “all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost”.

After hearing this talk, I seriously felt that my spirit was going to jump out of my body. I became SOOOO excited about sharing the gospel with anyone and everyone.

One of my best friends, Zee, is a doctor I work with. He is Muslim. He and his beautiful family went to the Oquirrh Mountain temple open house with Mad and me. We went to his prayer service. We have had several religious conversations. We have found similarities in our beliefs. One day after work, he asked me if I had looked into any other religions. I said no, that I knew that the gospel was true so there was no reason for me to look for something else. He then asked how I knew that the gospel was true, how I personally knew this. I had never been asked this before, but I did not have to think twice about my response. I told him that I had always known, that I had prayed and read my scriptures. Through these acts, I was able to develop a relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus. I knew that they loved me and had a plan for me. The gospel is simple. I am simple. Therefore, it resonates with me. It answers all of my questions about life...who am I? where am I going? why am I here? I had never been asked to share my testimony in this way before, but i LOVED it. i loved being able to share what i know to be true, why i am so happy. i am truly grateful for my conversations with Zee, that I am able to explain what i know and why i know it to be true. i am grateful for his insight and questions.

although i know that a mission will be hard hard work, i know that it will be worth it. i will be able to answer many people's prayers. i will be able to share the gospel with those yearning to know who they are and why they are here.

i'll tell you what i know. i know that i am a child of God. He loves me. He loves me so much that He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to earth to atone for not only my sins, but for all mankind. He wants us to return to Him. this is why the Atonement is here. it is real. it allows us to change our lives in a moment. He has given us scriptures that we may learn the commandments, that we may learn from other's mistakes. He has given us prayer so that we can communicate what is in our hearts, that we may feel His love if we just ask for it. He has given us a prophet to lead and guide us today. President Monson is His mouthpiece. revelation is real. we all can receive it. think of Joseph Smith. he was 14 when he prayed in a grove. Heavenly Father answered his prayer, so why wouldn't he answer ours? He has given us temples, that we may feel a bit of heaven on earth, that we may feel peace in a tumultuous world. He has given us families to love and learn and grow with. He gives us trials, that we may develop faith in Him and Jesus, that our testimonies will grow tremendously.

in a nutshell, God loves us. so much. He wants us to be happy. if we will turn our hearts over to Him and allow Him to shape and mold us into the people He wants us to be, we will be happy. He has a plan for us. He is there for us...all we need to do is let Him in.